Subconscious assumptions that men make… and women don’t.

What is different in a man’s head? Different from a woman, that is. This is such an interesting question and one that is necessary to answer for any woman that wants to get ahead in the world and for any man that wants to understand why women do what they do.

Many of my friends have their husbands coach them when it comes to the professional world, asking for raises, promotions, making proposals, etc. Women are told to think more like a man. But what does that mean? We are not men so we have no native instinct for thinking like a man.

I have been pondering this, observing and asking questions for a few years now. I have come up with ten ways of thinking that are typically male thoughts. Most women do not think these things. It may benefit women to learn to think like this, or at least act like they believe these things until they actually believe them and are able to act accordingly.

I have test marketed this list with men and women in all aspects of the business and church world and in all age groups.  The most common response was a knowing laugh.

So here goes.


1)  My point of view/opinions are valued.

2) I am wanted as a team member.

3) I am welcome at the leadership table.

4) My questions will be answered.

5) My ideas are important.

6) If I lead someone will follow.

7) I can show up as my true self. I do not need to alter myself to be acceptable.

8) People will notice if I drop out of the conversation.

9) I become more valuable as I age.

10) I will be fairly treated financially.

There you have it! What do you think? What would you add to this list?

16 Replies to “Subconscious assumptions that men make… and women don’t.”

  1. I guess I’m not really a guy, then. This sounds more like a Type-A list. So what are your top ten for women, Deborah?

    1. Jim… it could be but then these things would be true of Type A females too, and they aren’t in most cases. What I discovered is that even though some guys don’t necessarily think like this, they tend to act on these assumptions when making life decisions. And of course, this is not an all or never situation. Many of us act and believe outside of the norms. This was not an official study in the academic sense just observations. Thanks for challenging!

  2. Deborah,

    Just wanted you to know that I appreciate your friendship and leadership. You’ve made an indelible impact upon my life. Thanks for continuing to stir the pot, provoke discussion, and challenge us to think in new and different ways.



  3. Deborah,

    Just wanted to say thank you. I consider you a friend and have benefited greatly from your leadership. You are constantly stirring the pot and challenging us to think about things differently.



  4. This is interesting Deborah. I think personality types would play into this for sure across gender lines, as I see a lot of those thoughts in myself as well… it makes me wonder how attuned we are to what we think on this level… I don’t think I’ve thought about it before!!! 🙂

  5. Thank you Deborah! This is very enlightening. It also reminds me of the work of Alison Armstrong, who has studied men for 20+ years, asking the question, “what if men aren’t misbehaving?” (often a woman’s assumption) and come up with amazing insights for cross-gender communication. I know my relationships with men have greatly improved as a result of her work…which also challenged what I know about myself.

  6. I love this post!

    I think the comments about personality types are interesting. I’m definitely more of a Type A personality, but usually don’t make these assumptions about myself.

    Thank you for writing it!

  7. Most men automatically assume that if you are their age or younger than them that you will be more interested in them than in a younger man who is more fun to be with, more attractive physically, and who treats you like an equal (whereas the older man is often talking down to you). That is a pretty damn big assumption to make!!

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